I couldn't breathe
by Lena Lawlipop
Summary: Takao and Midorima have fallen into a sick routine after some years, and neither of them have the strenght to break it... They have to try, to keep trying, for their friendship, for whatever it ever was between them... [angst][depressive][MidoTaka][Yaoi][hurt][maybe I'll write a sequel just so it has a happy ending cause I can't be cruel to save my life]


First read, then kill me

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroko no Basket (****or else MidoTaka would be ****_oh so canon already_****)**

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It was too hot, when we touched for the first time. Too much. I couldn't breathe.

I heard my voice like it was too far, but I heard him moaning like he was inside of my head. The feelings, the sensations, too much... I couldn't breathe.

It was like that most of the times. He'd come to my place, with the excuse that he wanted to celebrate his last game but his teammates didn't understand him like I did, and I'd pretend to be flattered. To the outside we would look like two closet gay best friends. I'd blush, he'd smirk, and then, once we were out of sight, he'd kiss me senseless, once, twice, his lips sucking on mines, too hard to be lovingly. Too much... I couldn't breathe.

He'd push me against the first surface he found, so I had learnt to keep my house clean of carpets. It was hard to explain to my parents why there were white spots in them... Sometimes we wouldn't even make it to the living... he'd take me against the door, being extra careful that I wasn't too loud to alert the neighbors. He was still cold, though. Too cold... so much I couldn't breath.

He kept playing basketball. I quit. He became a famous doctor. I became one more journalist in the world. He was swimming in money. I couldn't afford to go out every weekend anymore. He had married a beautiful woman. I had a dog and two cats, a little hamster, and three orange fishes. We had grown apart. We weren't alike anymore. We once were best friends. Now we were best strangers. That was many years ago... Too many. I couldn't remember.

He kept fighting for our friendship, and when it wasn't enough for me, he kept pretending to be what he wasn't just for me. He'd come by, he'd buy me lucky items every once in a while. He'd kiss me from time to time without a reason. He'd come to my house and fuck me senseless every time they won a match because I once told him that I always wanted to do that when he smiled and was happy. He pretended. He tried, he really did. He was doing his best. It was me being annoying, and selfish, like always. But this... I wanted _him. _Too much... I couldn't be happy with this.

"No, mom, I don't think I'm ever getting married..." "Yes, mother, I've been talking to her about family, but you know we're still young..." "No, mom, I don't want to go back home this Christmas, I'm feeling sick and I need some rest" "Yes, mother, of course Sakura and I will be there for this holidays. We'll bring the champagne."

My old teammates stopped calling. His current teammates complained that he didn't go out with them enough. My pets ignored me. His wife complained he should stop seeing his old best friend and give her a child.

He'd still come every time, every single time he won a match. He'd take me against something instead of in a bed, because I once told him I liked it hard. I did. I do.

Shin-chan's my life. I'm not his. We're fine like this, with this strange relationship we have... It's not like he ever loved me anyway. He pretends to be my lover, I pretend to be his best friend. I can't believe the amount of money he spends on make up so I can hide hickeys and the reddeness of my eyes. He sometimes wants to ask why I keep crying. I sometimes want to ask why he keeps coming. We never do.

It's not like I want to. I can't lose him. I can't lose him. I can't lose him. I can't lose him. We're fine like this. I'm happy, of course I'm happy. No one can doubt that I am, why would they? My mom worries way too much, even for a mother. My pets don't like me but that's their problem. They're only animals. My teammates don't call me anymore because they're all loved-dovey over their last child. Who want's kids? They're only trouble, right, Shin-chan? He looks sad when I ask him this questions, so I don't, instead, I bring some pockys and we pretend to be teens, playing the pocky game for the first time.

After so many years, the only thing that really stays the same is him. He's still the most gorgeous man I've ever met, sweet, tsundere, caring, best friend, Shin-chan... His hands are still larger than mines, and he's so warm, even when he's being cold...

It's too warm when we touch. It's too hot. Too much. I couldn't breathe. I still can't.

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I swear to god I'm never doing this again

Actually I loved writing this, I was feeling kinda down so here you have angsty MidoTaka

This is kind of the Bad Ending I can foresee for these two if Midorima doesn't open up a little XDU

Hope you enjoyed it somehow, leave me a review to tell me okay?

*hands tissues and warm blankets* ;u;

~Lena


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